Being alone and being lonely are two different things.., and here’s what I learned about those synonyms🎲
Okeyy, let’s start with the etimology wkwkwk, like hell I’m gonna talk like a lecturer. What’s the meaning each of that words. Alone and lonely. Not gonna go much into details here, but according to thesaurus (an online resources of web or app that helps us browse words meaning, synonyms, and antonyms).
Alone : someone or something as being in isolation or as being unique. Alone is used as an adverb to mean something was done by a single individual. example = she likes to hike alone in the woods.
Lonely : unhappy as a result of being without the companionship of others, or a cause result from the state of being alone, either from isolation, exile, desolation, or solitary.
So yeah.., I kinda want to write on this topic because, maybe I do feel lonely, maybe I’m tired of being lonely, but don’t know how to express it. It’s not that I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I do have some close friends, a few broski, that will always be there to help if needed. Which is great right?
Still though, I don’t know why, for some odd reason. My mental and my goddamn heart and probably this rooted back to my mindset that also possible, it started from middle school (ostracized), and high school (regular joe that knows everyone but didn’t have personality which also ends up being boring and didn’t exactly had real friends back then). Maybe that past experiences kept haunting me, that it’s not okay or normal to being alone. You had to have friends. Which that mindset, probably kept me from becoming myself, my own characters. To do what I like, and made me a chameleon, just adapting to others that maybe I don’t quite fit well with their personality or social stands.
Yesterday, when I’m at campus, I’m not exactly do have or in a social circle now, but for some odd reason, I felt kind of jealous. Wanted to be in my friends circle, wanted to have a social circle friend that on daily basis will always be there. Like my friends named Disya or Faqih. Which have their own friends circle in my class. Sometimes it just made me sad, not depressed, just sad…
Because after class, often times they will eat together, or when there is projects, usually they’ll paired up, if weekends come around they also have fun together. Well me, I’m just by myself at class, by myself at canteen, by myself at campus library doing my own projects, by myself at weekends, writing this damn rant, and overthinking everything LOL :))
It’s alright though, it happens to you almost every time, you sort of learn how to nullify that feelings hehehe. Like that song from the NBA2k games.
Oh! It’s just me myself and I. Solo ride until I die. Cause I, got me for life [Yeah]
I guess, just wanted that experience you know. I always thought, I never really had that, even though my bro’s and my close friends sometimes will ask me to hang out together or the other way around, sometimes will talk some deep stuff or just joking around. Well nevertheless, looking on the bright sights, this rant did have a solution in progress which is…
Now, often times, when I talked, more liked it when the talking is just get to the point, then also tried to do what I like or want to do more, saying no if I didn’t want to, and currently join up in some book communities which personally quite enjoy it, to mingle, talks about books and writing with other person that interest in it. Maybe some possible new friends could show up from there. Other bright sights from being alone is, you kind of learn more on being responsible to yourself, relying more on yourself. To know that most of the times, when you’re alone, some people are just full of shit, they just want to use you for their own benefits, and you kind of learn not to trust easily. Also to be more selfish for your own dreams, aspirations, happiness, and maybe the freedom is also the bright sides?
I don’t know..., sometimes if you’re in a social circle, maybe there will be some of your friends that judge you, told you what to do, or even worse gossip behind your back. Sometimes it can be toxic? Don’t know and don’t care. Different person, different characters, and different experiences.
Maybe I’m just being dramatic. Most of the times, it’s such a tricky thing about real friends or best friends if you wanted to call it. Sometimes you can find it, because maybe you have some shared visions for the future, or maybe you have similar experiences from the past (like trauma or background), or maybe you just have similar characters, or money. Money also can get you some best friends or even girl/boyfriends nowadays :)
Sorry gess, at the end of this rant, just wanna say, I’m grateful with what have been given to me by the man upstairs. Maybe there are other persons that’s had way worse in terms of social relationship and I just don’t want to be the guy or the karen who thoughts they are the victim, always thought they had it the worse than other people.
Well, this asshole sometimes, just want to express some feelings out. Like what I told my friends yesterday…
Always kind of knew some people, say hello here and there, have a lot of acquaintances, but only a few of actual friends. And sometimes that brings loneliness deep inside.
Thank you for reading this rant. Hehehehe. Have a good day until diabetes. (Iglo/10/15/23).